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COVID-19 and I don’t know my depression

My frustration is a dirty lantern

We depressed people have a unique blessing, which is that something is always wrong. When entering the elevator, the person next to you took a half step to the left? Can’t you understand body language? The whole step is normal, but half a step? not good. Maybe it’s because you smell like shit, idiot. Or maybe your deodorant, by the way, it will definitely bring you cancer.

It sounds tiring, yes, sometimes it does. Some researchers believe that depression is just a disease of excessive introspection. This is why many frustrated people are smart, creative, and intuitive, and why they are so easily victims of changes in thinking.

Depression did not illuminate all parts of the brain like a spotlight, but turned on the lantern and made everything appear immediately. Frustrated people’s flashlights are a bit too bright, and sometimes their flashlights are brighter than expected. Illuminate your growing up environment, or once you faked a stomachache at a Bar Mitzvah party, so that you don’t have to dance with girls. This is not really something for you. However, depression cannot be treated equally: it shows everything.

Personally, I have been dealing with the worst damn lantern in my life, dimming it to an average level, and think it will help me blend in with those people who are so easily integrated with the concept of happiness and stability As one.

Therefore, I have spent most of my life carefully operating on the dimmer, watching the spontaneous moments when the lanterns suddenly emit dazzling fluorescence. It is exhausting, so when people talk about it and make jokes without winning their stripes first, I hate it.

7;m a bastard

It seems logical that a global pandemic and subsequent social structural adjustments may make a person’s depression more calm. More Considerable. However, this is not the case for me. Because I have been suffering from depression for more than 15 years, I will become a useful and ineffective expert for me.In fact, I tried many drugs, treatments and holistic methods, and finally brought me to a place where I don’t have to be always depressed feel Considerable.

But when the government and leaders began to predict the grim social prospects and take highly restrictive measures to fight COVID-19, it felt as if someone was trying to keep up with my mental health manual and the routine that I have been working hard. Most importantly, people started posting about how the epidemic made them “OCD about germs” or “so depressed that restaurants closed.” That really makes me angry.Around me, the world started to panic Advertising disgusting. People have been worrying about what life will be like in this dark and terrible future, while choosing mentally healthy language to express their emotions.

How do I react? Defensively. COVID-19 makes me miserable, and I find that I cannot sympathize with those around me. Their struggle annoys me. I don’t want to be with them, I rejected their fears and worries. When I see people show their anxiety and depression, although I control my depression, I am very angry. My friends who are not clinically troubled have no right to respond in this way.They did not get the right to use mine Language. They have no depression. I do. If I can grow up in this environment, so should they.

I’m pretty sure you can see where the problem is going. I’m a bastard. Although I never thought of looking at me from an anti-intellectual perspective, I did, and it was achieved through staring and broken lenses.

Musical laxative caused by mushrooms, M&M and Phoebe Bridgers

This gave me the experience of the magic mushroom, which repaired my broken lens and gave me the kaleidoscope view of the world I desperately needed. As someone who firmly believes in the healing potential of psychedelics, I have witnessed the ways they can treat mental illness. For many years, I have been interested in the effects of psychedelics on depression, and have personally experienced how they can fundamentally change negative thinking and destructive mental schemas.So around late June, I just finished reading Michael Pollan’s How to change your mind, Outlined the history of psychedelic drugs and their prospects in treating mental health disorders, and decided to make changes.

I know something happened, and I don’t like to feel sick, so I turned to mushrooms and took me out of the muddy, muddy spirit, and fell into the quagmire until I found myself in trouble. Until my ecstasy with mushrooms and peanuts Butter M&M was the best M&M objectively, I realized that my contempt for people who talk about depression in jokes is indeed something else. That is about more personal things.

In addition to writing “Open to love!” and other clichés on my old notebook (to be honest, I never want to open it anymore), I was lucky to be able to play some gadgets in my brain, which provided me with a rare opportunity. Through it, I see my emotions and behaviors from outsiders’ perspectives.

Due to the swelling of the stomach of M&M and psilocybin, when I had a deep understanding of hitting me, I sat on a comfortable inflatable mattress with my eyes crossed and listened to Phoebe Bridgers: My ruthless behavior is just a typical projection case.I react in my own way other Reacting to me and my frustration is annoying. This is something that people don’t want to be around or hear, and it is something that people will reject me.I think what people think I Exactly my opinion they.

There is also a bit of selfishness: other people’s mental health struggles caused by COVID-19 made me realize that there is a certain degree of similarity between myself and others, and I don’t like that. why? I have always regarded depression as something that I have. This is not only inextricably linked to me, but also the main characteristic that defines me.

Although some of these people are the ones I think have contributed to trivial mental health language, I realize that my emotions are rooted in selfishness, rather than making a difference out of social consciousness.

The subject of mental health is unique because it is very personal for everyone. Unfortunately, everyone’s mental health is experienced by one person, independent and lonely, so it is impossible to truly understand the basic nature of another person’s suffering. Some people are joking. Some people eat mushrooms. Some people cried. Some people don’t feel it at all. It is important to be open to every experience. It can help other people, who knows, it can even help yourself.

This recognition is a decisive moment in my mental health journey, and it also helped me realize that I have an unhealthy attachment to depression. For me, just eat a meal of magic mushrooms, and the laxative induced by M&M and Phoebe Bridgers can clearly see it.

Treat mental health as a comedy warning

For some reason, we sometimes insist on what hurts us the most, while doing so ignores the possibility that the pain we endure may be tighter than the pain we endure. I had to give up this attachment and understand that mental health does not exist in a vacuum; it has to do with the people around us.

People around me are in difficult times.

Therefore, it is now more than ever necessary to discuss mental health in order to prevent these psychological effects from worsening or lasting longer than they should. Although people should talk about their mental health as they please, if we do not have open, honest and informative words, we will do harm to the world. One of the most important things we can do is to openly talk about our pain and externalize it so that the one we love can help alleviate it. Comedy is a way to start a conversation, but so far, it’s nothing.

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