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Ask Amy: Re’s friend needs a soft place to land



As her friend, I am seeking support and understanding. I listened to her and tried not to give suggestions, but to provide support and remind her that she has friends and family who love her and will support her no matter what.

I tried to remind her of the happiness in life and encouraged her to take a break from time to time. I also offered to go out with her (locking up increased her pressure), which made her breathless, but she almost always refused.

In this dark hour, what else can I do to support her?

This is Maggie’s response: “You are already doing the most important thing: showing up. You are listening, providing support, not imposing your own solutions.

“During my divorce, the biggest change for me was my stability with others when the ground was moving below me. Unswerving support took many forms: phone calls, supportive text messages, the same every month A regular dinner scheduled on the calendar every day (so it’s harder for me to cancel), when I feel tired, I leave it spontaneously. I don’t need anyone to “fix”

; it for me. I just need people to be with me through it.

“Your friend is experiencing an extremely unstable experience in an already unstable period. I imagine divorce as the center of the Venn diagram, where there are many feelings that overlap: sadness and grief make you live your life. Fear of the future And insecurities; feel guilty about not being “fixed”. And there is no pandemic!

“She may or may not feel depressed, but she is undoubtedly grief-stricken and she confesses her nose. It is normal to feel heartbroken when you are sad. It is also normal to leave because you feel that you will not A good company is like you are a burden. Be patient with her. Let her know that she doesn’t need to “cheer up” for you: whenever she needs it, she can feel how she feels, and you won’t go to any local.

“The most important thing is: even if you have to keep a distance from your body due to the pandemic, keep showing up. Stay the same in the overwhelming ocean. Become a gentle place for her to land.”

I will add sound to Maggie’s. In my own loss, those who can live with me in my worst moments have given me what I need most.

Dear Amy: I have a very dear male friend (married) who suddenly started to make inappropriate comments to me.

I am also married and his wife is a good friend.

I want to tell him to stop, but I don’t want to destroy our friendship in any way.

How would you suggest me to deal with it?

improper: This is about inappropriate cross-borderers: they have to do/say what they want, and you are worried about “breaking friendship”.

Let us set the norm: Your friend may experience some health-related or cognitive problems that increase his sexual desire and reduce his social stop signs.

There are some reasonable reasons to explain his behavior, but he cannot justify his behavior. Most importantly, this is not important to you, because no matter why he does this, your answer should always be the same: I don’t like to stop doing this, understand? “

The challenge his behavior brings to your friendship is his problem, and he will have to find a solution.

Dear Amy: The “anxious wife” wants her husband to provide more help with housework, such as vacuuming.

This sounds cliche, but all the members of my family hate the heat of a thousand suns. If we follow instinct, our neat house looks like the Sahara Desert.

We got one of the robot vacuum cleaners and the problem was solved!

No dust: Great suggestion. If this marks the beginning of the robotics revolution, then I say: Come on!

In 2020, Amy Dickinson published by Tribune Content Agency


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